I have to admit, I’m scared. There’s this constant, low hum of anxiety running through my body. I’ve always been a teeth grinder, but lately, it’s worse—I wake up barely able to open my mouth. Indigestion, heartburn, and nausea are now part of my daily routine. Some of this might be peri-menopause, but living in the DC metro area just weeks before the presidential election has amplified everything. We’re at a crossroads: we’ll either welcome the first Black woman into the Oval Office, or we’ll turn back time and face another tumultuous four years. As a gay woman married to a woman, with a transgender child, my fear for what could come is very real.
But my worry extends beyond the outcome of the election. Regardless of who wins, we’re still a divided country, and I fear more hate and violence will seep into our society. Even in the “New Deal Town” where my yoga studio is, I’ve noticed an uptick in armed carjackings. As a highly sensitive person, I feel emotions deeply, and this is heavy. I understand the urge to just tune it all out, scroll through your phone, and move through the day. I’ve done that myself many times. But lately, my body has been demanding something different. It needs physical release, and I’m trying to honor that. My personal yoga practice now often involves long, tearful moments in child’s pose. My weightlifting routine has simplified to farmer’s carries and dead hangs because I need the weight to ground me back into my body.
Even during tasks when I’d usually listen to a podcast or audiobook, I’ve found I don’t have the mental space to take in anything else. I can only focus on what’s right in front of me. I’m grateful for my garden, where I can escape and nurture fruits and vegetables to feed my family. And for my dog, Noah, who forces me outside for daily walks.
Last year, my wife and I visited the Peace and Justice Memorial in Montgomery, Alabama. It was like a pilgrimage, holding space for the Black victims of lynching in the United States. The memorial invites reflection on past racial terrorism and calls for social justice. It left a knot in my stomach, as it was meant to. I don’t want to go back to that America, and I’m terrified that if Trump is re-elected, we will. This time, it will be trans people, gay people, women, and people of color who are attacked.
This post is simply me being honest about what’s on my mind. Behind the smiling selfies at soccer and basketball games, I’m holding space for sorrow. I’m reminding myself to breathe deeply and to lean into the compassion of grace.
What do you think your body needs right now? If you put down your phone and listened to the stillness, what’s stirring in your soul?
